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Ideally this was to be an easy project. Create a report for a website. Something like this:

1. I am provided a template


2. I implement/update the programming to match


3. Repeat from 1 as needed

Instead, I have a coworker that is either repeatedly stopping by my desk at random intervals or requests me for spontaneous meetings, and tells me things like these

• omg, I am "so done" with this project


• can you make this change today? today right? Today(?)


• can you make this title smaller?


• can you make these cells the same width?


• can you make this text bigger, right?


• does this (font, title, margin, space, logo) look right to you? I don't know what do you think? (repeat 3-4 times)


• You're going to do this today, right?


• can you make this wider/smaller/bigger/shift left/shift right


• what do you think?

Repeat all of the above the next day. There is no template even though my boss asked her to provide one. The template she did provide was trampled over by her (back to the change process described above).

I am not a graphics designer. I can match the report to a given template, but I don't care, nor should I provide guidance on what the report should look like. These constant changes and spontaneous meetings can last 30-40 minutes, where coworker repeats her changes, mulls over them indecisively, for the duration of the event, while I am getting ready to shoot myself figuratively.

When she talks to me my anxiety goes through the roof. I have to use controlled breathing while imagining murdering her in a variety of ways. This is bad.

What do I do exactly because even I kept a poker face telling her while gritting teeth: "okay I can/will implement those changes", although that didn't seem to help, because she is not sure if those are the changes she needs/wants to be implemented.

In reality though I am also done with this project, even before she starts her next change avalanche. She is keeping me from advancing to other more important projects. (Projects that do not involve making fonts just a tad smaller/bigger/wider/narrower ad infinitum)

I think the crux of the situation is:

There is no template even though my boss asked her to provide one.

Next time she stops by, beat her to the punch and insist that you need the template to do your job before she even asks for the next iteration of request. When she derails the conversation with specifics of what she wants wholeheartedly agree that that should be a part of the template that she will provide you. Do not agree to provide this report again without a template unless you get specific instructions from your boss to do so. If you are feeling it, drop by her office unannounced and ask for the template that she was supposed to provide you.

As your boss is aware but not taking action, let them know that you will not be fulfilling future requests from this person unless proper business processes are followed.

When she talks to me my anxiety goes through the roof. I have to use
controlled breathing while imagining murdering her in a variety of
ways. This is bad.

You should be discussing this part with your medical professional.

They can advise strategies or medication to help you cope with your anxiety, since you find it so severe.

What do I do exactly because even in my infinite wisdom I kept a poker
face telling her grits teeth "okay I will implement those changes" In
reality though I am also done with this project, even before she
started. She is keeping me from advancing to other more important
projects.

You should be discussing this part with your boss.

Together you should decide how far you should be going to please this coworker (and any other consumer of your work). And together you should decide how to deal with them when they want more than you are authorized by your boss to give.

She is keeping me from advancing to other more important projects.

That should be important to organization's leadership. So, you will hopefully have your manager's support when you set a firm deadline beyond which further edits cannot be made.

Here's an example. "I am unable to make any additional changes to this document after [insert the day of your choice, including today]. Please make sure to give me a complete list of all the final edits you'd like before then."

If they have a change after that deadline, take it to your manager and let them know how and why the situation is preventing you from addressing more important projects.

There is no template even though my boss asked her to provide one.

Ok, she doesn't deliver what your boss wants? His Problem (and then your colleagues), not yours - if you report on the project state openly.

When she talks to me my anxiety goes through the roof. I have to use controlled breathing while imagining murdering her in a variety of ways. This is bad.

No, thats not unusual, as long as the imagined ways of murdering her are fast and painless. But much better would be if you imagine to (and do) report the status of the project "no template available yet" in friendly word to your boss, something like:

I am afraid we are running a little bit behind schedule. The layout keeps changing rather iteratively; we can continue like this, but we will not be ready as planned. It would help a great deal if we had an approved lay-outed and styled template available, that would make consistent demonstration and testing much easier.

How do I deal with a coworker that keeps asking to make small superficial changes to a report, and it is seriously triggering my anxiety?

Seems that this coworker is (1) not your boss and (2) bypassing the established procedure for the project development (template, given, implement it, repeat).

I suggest a two-step approach:

• 
  

  First, try to address and solve this with this coworker. Next time they ask you to make some changes, or asks you for a random meeting, try something like this:

  
  
  

  
  

  Hello Joe, I am currently busy with Project A and B. Is this related to the Website Report Project? If so, and you wish some changes to be done, please send me the new template along with the changes listed via email, and I will get to it as soon as I can.

  
  

  
  
  

  This way you are kindly steering them towards the correct development procedure, and making them aware that you have other, important projects to do.

  
  


• 
  

  If this fails, the next step is to bring this up to your boss. A professional way to phrase it I can think of is:

  
  
  

  
  

  Hello Boss. Lately Joe has been asking me several changes regarding the Website Report Project. I am aware that I also have Projects A, B and C to work on, so I want to ask you if I should give this Report project priority over the others.

  
  
  

  Regardless, could you please send us an email indicating how the development procedure should be? I understand I should be provided with a template, and only after that I can proceed to make the changes. Is this correct, boss?

  
  

  
  
  

  This way you are also politely steering your coworker to the proper development procedure, by having your boss remind you two how it should be. After this, if your coworker insists on out-of-procedure changes, you can safely point them to your boss's indication and ask them to follow the standard procedure.

  
  

Other answers have already covered insisting on getting the template and talking to your boss about how to prioritize this work (including getting a deadline).

Once the template exists, schedule a time to meet with her and then only discuss changes during that meeting. This way you aren't getting randomly pulled away from more important work multiple times a day. When she tries to get you to drop everything for a change to the template, say you can discuss it at the meeting:

• We'll have to talk about that during our meeting.


• We can go over your new template at the meeting.


• We can talk about time estimates at the meeting.


• We're meeting about that at [day/time], let's talk about it then.

omg, I am "so done" with this project

You can try to discourage this by saying things like:

• I like to try to stay positive about our work.


• Having the template and regular meetings will make this easier to finish.


• Let's focus on wrapping this up.

If the report is essentially done, you can point this out when she says she complains:

• Actually, I think this looks good. Are you ready to wrap up with project?


• The report looks complete. Is there anything preventing us from saying this is done?

Since these responses invite discussion, only use them if she complains during the meeting.